Monday, May 23, 2005

12hours ago, i was lying on my bed.
staring into complete darkness of my room.
thinkg, what the hell. why am i feeling so lost?
happily, i started to cry again. it has been going for the past few days, the tears trickling down my cheeks thing. it has become a routine.
boy, what happened to me?

i'm starting to miss the past, when i'm still naive, when i was still optimistic, when none of the unhappy things hit me.
i have no wish to become a pessimist, but thats what my head react to things happeng ard me.
ever since my family got into the fking affair thing, i've been like that.
no good. jiawen always tell me. i dont want it too. i want to be the happy-go-lucky crazy girl.
but i cant.


give me time.
i always say this to myself.
it will go away.
self-consolation, kinda bluffing myself.
dont think too much.
i keep erasing all the thoughts in my head.
you're strong, and you'll get over everything. no matter what.
i remind myself this.

every single event that happens to me affects me deeply.
shutting up doesnt mean attitude.
i just dont want anyone to be affected by my mood.
so please understand.

i'm trying hard to get over this unhappy period.
give me time and i'll forget everything.
yes. i need time, please.
lots of time. lots and lots of time.

thank you for reading.
aint trying to make you sympathise with me.
just that i need to make myself feel better.